i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
