Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
