Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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