final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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