I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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