Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
