It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
