Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
