things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
