only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
