ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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