The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
