You're completely useless in the revolution.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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