So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
