Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
