im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
