yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
