with your own penis?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
