it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
