the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
