I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
