My underwear smells like fireworks.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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