So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
