I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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