I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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