I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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