Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
