After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
