Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
