I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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