at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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