dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
