Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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