It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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