i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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