i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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