Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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