a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
