Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
