READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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