Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
