you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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