the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
