I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
