living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
nutella sex= disaster
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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