so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
