Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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