I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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