As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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