who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How naked do you want me to be?
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