Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
