tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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