you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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