i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
